


An Email to John Carlin

by mystivy



Category: Tennis RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-19
Updated: 2020-06-19
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:22:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24805384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mystivy/pseuds/mystivy
Summary: John Carlin, who wrote "Rafa" with Rafa 10 years ago and who has often worked with him since, has asked Rafa to answer a few questions for an article about how he is faring during lockdown. This is Rafa's email in response.
Relationships: Roger Federer/Rafael Nadal
Comments: 13
Kudos: 62





	An Email to John Carlin

John – you want the notes for the lockdown article. Here they are. I have your questions. I will try to answer them the best I can. You can fix anything you like for the publication.

You ask about my parents.

They are fine. My father has a cough for some time but he is tested and it is not the virus. We were relieved to get this news, of course. My mother makes him tea with echinacea. He says it is useless and he wants coffee, but he only says this to me. To Mama, he says thank you, and he drinks it quickly before he makes an espresso. Mama doesn’t mind that as long as he drinks the echinacea. Mama herself has been fine. She is strong, as you know. She deals with things well. I think I probably get some of that from her. I think I already have told you this. Is it in the book? It’s so long ago since we wrote that, it’s difficult to remember.

As you know, my sister broke up with her boyfriend some months ago, so she has been staying with me in my house—and with Mery, of course—for this quarantine. There is some issue with the apartment she was living in with Pep. I don’t know the legal things, but they have to sell it and divide the money. Pep is not being difficult, it’s some other thing that she has explained but I forget. I think I miss Pep. We get used to people being around. He was fun. Interesting guy. Of course, I don’t tell my sister this. It’s best not to put it in the article. It’s between you and me.

So my bubble is small. It is: Mama, Papa, Maribel, Mery, Tomeú and Titín. I speak to Charley on Zoom. Joan Forcades on Skype, but of course we are used to this, as it is how I speak to him through tournaments or whenever I am away from home. Tuts, Jordi, and Franciso Roig also on Zoom. How did Zoom become more known than Skype? Easier to do group meetings, probably. Some months ago, I never heard of Zoom, now we always use Zoom. 

I am sitting in my garden, John, reading all of your questions. I am glad to have an afternoon free to think about the answers and write to you carefully. The weather is perfect in Mallorca now. It’s a shame you couldn’t visit, but I guess this is the best thing we can do. Well, I was surprised you wanted me to write instead of do Zoom interviews with you. I am not a writer, as you know. Right now, I wish I was. I could describe to you the way the sea looks, or the way my garden smells. I just saw two black-backed gulls flying in small circles over a point in the sea for nearly five minutes and then they flew away. I don’t know what they were looking at. 

Not very interesting. Sorry, John. I think during this time, when I cannot fill my days easily, I have become more likely to take five minutes to watch some seagulls. Yesterday I walked the path down the rocks to the sea—you know the one at the end of the garden, I brought you down there one time—and I sat on the big rock, the one with limpets on it where I showed you the barnacles and told you about the length of their penises and you laughed. I sat there with my legs in the water almost up to my knees, my feet floating up and down in the gentle waves, and I just did nothing for a while. Have you ever known me to do nothing? I don’t think so. It’s not like me. But it was nice, just to let my mind drift and think. I thought a little about what I would write here to you. Already I’ve gone off track. I didn’t plan to tell you about the rock or mention the barnacle penises.

You ask me am I training.

Yes, a little. Not every day. I do some kind of workout, of course, but as for tennis, I can take it easy for now. I don’t plan to play the US Open, so I do not have that goal in my mind. As for Roland Garros… I don’t know. I have not decided yet. So sure, maybe that is a goal in my mind. But it’s months away. They most important thing for me now is to stay fit but not put too much stress on the body. I feel fine, generally. The usual pains only – my knee sometimes, my hip sometimes, and my foot, of course. Nothing new. I want to keep it that way. Titín and Joan Forcades made a workout plan for me for this time, so I stick to it. Some weights, some running, some flexibility. 

I was gone, but now I am back. Roger (Federer) called me. He is in Switzerland, in his house, since the beginning of all this.

I was telling you about my training. That’s about it. The usual routine every day, then some days I go to the Academy and play tennis, too. Recently we had the graduation at my school. It was a good day. Very strange, all the social distancing, but the kids are good kids and the staff is amazing. We made it work. I think the kids loved the video from Roger. Did you see it? I thought it was very nice. Maria Sharapova’s video was very nice, too.

I know when I speak I say “no?” all the time, which is not normal in English. I just read this again from the beginning and I realised I was writing it, too. I deleted all of them. If I miss some, take them out if you want if you use the quote in the article.

It’s easier writing because I can take my time to think of what to say and I can use Google Translate to check words. Maybe I am starting to understand why you suggested I write and not Zoom. A fly nearly flew into my Coke Zero just now. I think I hit it when I waved it away. I wonder does that hurt flies?

You ask me about how I pass the time in lockdown.

Well, I already said a lot. Training, working out, sometimes just spending time doing nothing. I have also learned how to cook some new things. I posted the picture of my bizcocho on Instagram, and a video of me baking it. It’s gone now because it was on Stories. I can send you the videos if you did not see them, in case you are interested for the article. Everyone made fun of the way I held the mixer. I told them, I tried to not show the brand of the mixer. Perhaps there was a better way. I don’t mind, but the next time I was very careful with the cord in case I caught it in the mixers. The next bizcocho turned out even better, but I didn’t take a picture. To tell you the truth, when I baked the second one, I wasn’t feeling like putting fun things on Instagram.

If you asked me to draw a graph of how I have been feeling during this time, it would be difficult for me. I started low, staying in bed, not doing much at all. I did not do well without a schedule. And to think of what was happening in the world, when I watched the news, saw the numbers of sick people and dead people… it was too much for me, being honest. Spain was hit very bad. But then, little by little, I learned ways to make myself feel better. Mery helped me during this time (you know what to write about that situation in the article). She was working from home and I guess she was a good role model for me. Finally I got out of bed and made some structure to the day. I got some gym equipment delivered from the Academy and got back to working out. I organised the Instagram Live with Roger, and also Andy and Marc. You probably saw that and how I was a disaster with Instagram. I should have learned how before we did the Live, but from another perspective, maybe it’s okay for people to see these little things. Little mistakes and normal things.

Other things I am doing during this time: staying in contact with my team, with the Academy team, and the centres in Miami and Kuwait. Not a good time for Kuwait, so soon after it opened. But we cannot change so we must accept. Also, maybe you know, my new boat arrived. I think it looks very good. It has my logo on it, which I negotiated with Nike so I personally own it now. (Don’t mention this in the article. It’s not something I want to talk about publicly. It’s just that after Roger had such trouble with his logo when he left Nike, I wanted to make sure the same can’t happen to me. Jordi helped me negotiate so now it is mine.)

We went to clean the boat last week. Mery came. It was one of those times when it is best if she’s around, because of course there were photographers. Things are difficult with her, John. For a while before the wedding, we were fine, but since then I feel that something has changed. Lockdown has just made it worse, or maybe not worse, but more obvious. It’s been so many years and this thing we do is second nature now, so why is it more and more difficult? I saw the photos taken that day when we cleaned the yacht. Have you ever seen two people less happy hanging out together? It made me sad to see the pictures. She used to be my friend. I don’t know how to fix it.

Obviously, you know none of that is for the article. It’s just that it’s easy to talk to you like this. Yes, it was a very good idea asking me to write. I see that now. 

I’ll take you out on the boat next time you’re here. I think you’ll like it. We’ll fish.

I was gone and now I am back. It was Roger again. I’m sure you can imagine what it’s been like, being apart for so long. It’s difficult.

You ask me how I see the future of the tour.

Well, by now you have seen the plan released by the ATP. The only thing I have to think about is how I want to participate. Maybe Roland Garros. Being honest, I would find it very difficult to know that Roland Garros was happening without me when I am not even injured. From another perspective, isn’t this virus like an injury? Or the fear of it? I don’t want to go to Paris and live in a small bubble, and play tennis for a speckle of people, and tire my body and my mind grinding through a tournament that exists in a different reality. I would rather not play than play like this. Perhaps if Roger was going to play, but he is injured. I am worried, John. I am worried about his injury and the future and what will happen. We have played so long that life became easy, spending time with each other at tournaments and exhibitions, and the Laver Cup, after he created it. We have talked about how it will work when we stop. He says he will come to Mallorca and teach in my school, but I know he’s not serious. It would never satisfy him. Of course he has his investment in the Academy and once we are retired he will join the Board. (It would be too much now, we think. On top of everything else.) He says he will send his children to my school. I would love that. They tell me they want to go there. But something inside me fears the future. It is my philosophy always to accept what happens, but that is a lot easier if I am prepared. For this, I cannot prepare.

I’m sorry. None of this is useful for your article. Thank you for being someone I can trust, John. You know perfectly what to write about me, how to keep the story straight. (Ha! Straight.) (A stupid joke that I know you will see through – I feel anxious and a little sad and I am too far from the man I love for too long.)

The sun is going down behind the hills. The evenings are long at this time of year. Maribel is cooking tonight. It smells good, whatever it is. It’s been a relief to have her here. The thought of Mery and me stuck here alone is something I cannot imagine. Sometimes days go by and we don’t speak hardly a word.

I think there are echoes we cannot ignore, John. Does it make sense to say that echoes come from the future? Bats send signals out into the darkness and they return when they hit something solid, and the bat can know what the thing is just from the feel of it. I feel like a bat without that sense. There is something echoing back from the future and I do not know what it is. I hope it is him, here with me, when all our tennis is done. I hope it’s a good future. I hope we will all be happy.

I hope you are well, and your family are well. I think in these answers I wrote too much. I wrote useless things. I don’t want to read it anymore right now, so I’ll just finish this email and send it to you. Email me back if you want to talk about any of this. I’m sure you’ll need better answers. We can Zoom.


End file.
